Batman V Superman- Zillion Punches, Zero Punch

Let’s not kid ourselves- we never expected ‘Batman V Superman’ to be something cerebral, deep or intelligent. 

No, we walked into the theatres, fully aware that we were going to be handed a sinfully hedonistic clash between two wildly popular DC heroes- the men whose exploits we have read in comics and seen in cartoons and movies. We never expected it to make much sense (after all, why the hell would they want to kill each other so viciously?) but we were glad to swallow down some little piece of hokum logic and sit back and see our titans take each other down in a delicious smackdown that would have had each of us sticking to our sides. Perfect then for an evening with drinks and fries as we boys would have debated which of the two was better.

Alas, Zack Snyder’s long, overblown and often sloppy film fails to make the much-awaited clash even half as spectacular and the problem is a peculiar one. It is not so much that the film lacks style, snap and spectacle; it is just that it spends more two-thirds of the film in ratcheting up some shoddy, overcrowded and plodding backstory to the penultimate fight of the film and then when the big fight actually comes up, it is just another long and loud action scene in a movie that has too much noise and far too little sense.

Of course, it is not logic that I talk about and you will know what I mean.

We begin, of course, with Bruce Wayne as a little kid in a funeral who falls into a well, discovers bats and becomes transformed altogether. Cut then to the present day when a grown up and greying Wayne is seen scrambling towards the falling ruins of his office building, the same being rampaged by beings from outer world. As it happens, they happen to be Superman and Zod fighting it off in the hysterically loud climax of ‘Man Of Steel’ and after much convincingly hard-hitting destruction in tow, Wayne looks up at the grey skies, his eyes burning with anger and the stage for a battle is set.

What follows this promisingly crackling start is a hotchpotch series of sloppily edited proceedings that make little or no sense at all. This is where the problems start right away with Snyder and writers Chris Terrio and David Goyer start cramming in a load of seemingly pivotal characters and situations, all of which are not even fleshed out. There is Holly Hunter playing a gravely unsmiling senator hell-bent on anti-Superman doctrine, there is some half-baked chaos with Lois Lane (a desperately good Amy Adams) in an African desert outpost, there is a disgusted survivor who tries to rouse the rabble and above all this, there is Jesse Eisenberg playing Lex Luthor like a spoilt brat, literally, replacing the dignified, wry veneer of the original arch-nemesis with a plucky sense of boyish mischief that the film squeezes to the point of making it unintentionally cloying.

To be fair to Eisenberg, he is not to be blamed for the farcical tone of his character and rather, it is his single-minded and preening quest to put down the heroes of Gotham and Metropolis that solely brings some nasty edge to the inconsequential plot, even if it merely appears more like a goofy Joker than the ultra-smart Luthor. The problem is that all this randomness would have made some sense if there had been some coherence, some sense of direction in it. But Snyder rarely brings any of it to the film, loading it instead with more self-indulgent narrative excess. In between, our heroes are themselves no better than the befuddling people around them. Clark/Superman is frequently bothered with a grim and self-centered smugness that robs his essence of everything redeeming while Bruce Wayne, even as being slick and edgy, is dreaming too often- dreams and fantasies which make no sense and only amp up the volume deafeningly.

It is actually a cobbled-up mishmash of many well-worn superhero elements actually. The origins story is flimsily borrowed from 'Batman Begins', a thrilling but all-too-brief Batmobile chase is modeled on the incredible tunnel pursuit of 'The Dark Knight' and there are a few smart moments which the film takes from the comics rather cleverly- Luthor, for instance, is destined to discover the truth behind Superman and this is handled pretty well in a scene of unsettling dread. But then, 'Batman V Superman' wastes away these good moments, as if to make space for the no-brainer bashup in the end. And then it comes and then we are instantly letdown.

While there has been solid precedent for a similar clash between the two heroes in the comics (a well-known one is in Frank Miller's 'The Dark Knight Returns'), the same has also been backed up with a very intriguing idea or conflict that makes it worthy. There is no conflict at all in this case and if there is, it is contrived. The plot seems to suggest a difference of ideology between the two men but in reality, it is merely content to let them indulge their battered egos into the stage. The battle is not only generic and ruthlessly half-baked and cut short- it is also ultimately pointless. Because the film then pits the two men, somewhat embarassed, together into a bigger bid to save the world. The result is a Snyder-style bash-em-up battle that is only big in numbers and lacking in coherence, style and soul.

Does nothing work then in 'Batman V Superman'? Rest assured, it is not really the worst superhero movie of all time. There are parts which work strongly enough- most of them centering on Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman, who must be considered as the film's highlight. You can hear the sinful sighs of all the boys in the audience at the simmering sight of Gadot's Diana Prince, lending this mostly emotionally cold film a dose of sweltering heat and then finally duke it out, warrior-style, in bustier and girdle, in the film's lengthy climax. The film makes the error of making her only a side-character but then we have her solo movie coming up. Well, we can hardly wait.

Ben Affleck is actually solid as Batman and Bruce, effectively bringing a psychotic edge to his both sides, though comparisons with Christian Bale will be forever inevitable. Henry Cavill, as always said, has the right look but is curiously lacking the self-assured mischief that made him so endearing in 'The Man From UNCLE', something that this mostly humorless film required desperately. Diane Lane and Kevin Costner are given some fair bit of sappy philosophizing to do (though Costner also gets some meaty dialogue in a fine cameo) while Jeremy Irons makes for a superbly cynical, wise and shrewd Alfred, effectively replacing the all-knowing intelligence of Michael Caine's version with a grounded common sense so lacking in the actions of the characters around him. 

Snyder knows his style, sure. He has certainly learnt a bit to rein his worst impulses in and there are a few flashes of a certain slick style in fits and starts- cinematographer Larry Fong lends a certain occasional beauty to the overblown and cacophonous chaos all around- most particularly in the opening scene of the murder of the Waynes, the camera zooming gracefully at a necklace of pearls breaking apart as a bullet is fired in terrific slow-motion. There is also a down and dirty battle scene in which Affleck's Batman finally comes into his own and takes out the bad guys in lean and mean style. There are occasionally witty moments too- mostly in Eisenberg's mutterings, or the way he quotes 'Lolita' verbatim when meeting Lois Lane. However, all these- along with tragically brief glimpses of a sleek Batmobile- are all drowned out by the excess all around- the director battering our senses with a zillion punches but no punch in the proceedings. 

At the end of it all, we- I and my friend- were severely exhausted and hungry enough to devour a sizzler. That is what one feels- unsatisfied and really hungry, not for more, but for something, anything that could fill up the vacuum of punched-up hopes.

My Rating- 2 Stars out of 5.

The Top Ten Superhero Films

10= The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

Yes, it is messy. Yes, Christopher Nolan’s lengthy conclusion to his three-part Batman saga (at best exciting, at worst dead-serious) is an unwholesome sum of stellar parts. But oh, what stellar parts! That rousing moment when the Caped Crusader makes a dashing comeback in the city streets, when Nolan cleverly borrows a scene from Frank Miller’s ‘The Dark Knight Returns’ to whistle-worthy effect. Or that heart-pounding fist-fight between Batman and Bane in an underground sewer. Or an entire rugby stadium collapsing like a house of cards. Our hero’s heroic rise from the depths in a bid to save the day. The great Bat, aptly named because it comes in black. And that sinfully pleasurable cliffhanger climax that makes us all gasping in delight. Lack it might the scorching intelligence of ‘The Dark Knight’, this is nevertheless still superhero filmmaking made pure art- Wally Pfister’s superb camerawork convincingly transforming New York City into a gritty, grubby Gotham ravaged by destruction while Lee Smith’s taut editing bringing energy to even the slackest moments in the narrative. More to the point, Christian Bale brings a real force of heroism to his Batman. Sure, there are flaws- Tom Hardy’s lumbering Bane is a great performance in search of a better handled character-but there is no denying the weighty narrative depth that Nolan brought to the comic-book hero story with this grand finale.

9= Deadpool (2016)

The latest entry into this list, Tim Miller’s ‘Deadpool’ deserves a premature applause merely for breaking every conceivable boundary of the superhero genre. Then, as if cramming in all sorts of gleefully unpleasant things- a chunk of Scorsese-like invective-loaded dialogue and blood-splattered body count to match-it is also a daringly outrageous film that recklessly smashes every fourth wall possible- its cocky and callous lead hero turning to stare back at us, the joke written over his mock-scary glare. To be honest, the film is not exactly that perfect- a film with such hilarious comic-timing deserves a tighter script as well- but then, that is the point of it all. ‘Deadpool’ revels in the glory of its own unashamed silliness and has a big, raucous laugh over it. The in-jokes at Marvel movies as well as the constantly self-depreciating tone of the tropes are all handled slickly while there is enough gory, pacy action to satisfy the boys. Above all of it, there is Ryan Reynolds in a blistering act of spontaneity and acid as the title anti-hero who has no qualms about killing people down.

8= Batman (1989)

Comparisons- with the other, immeasurably legendary great clash of Batman and Joker- will always be inevitable. But let’s not forget that more than any other recent superhero director, Tim Burton gave the comic book saga his own trademark fantastic streak. The result was a Batman movie completely removed from the gritty realism that Nolan brought- in short, a real comic book come alive in its vivid, psychedelic glory. The Gotham City itself is a marvel of Gothic design, its neon-lights, its looming skyscrapers and ornate pillars and grubby streets all bringing to life the inherent noir essence of the original comics. More interesting is how it coincided with the surge of Moore and Miller’s darker comics of the 80s and the strategic casting- especially of Jack Nicholson as the hilariously nasty Joker- pays off in spades. Michael Keaton himself makes for an understated, smart-tongued Batman, using his comic talents to exceptional effect and Kim Basinger looks delectable as always. Not perfect and not really spectacular in terms of action but always funky and certainly better than what Joel Schumacher did with the character in the 90s.

7= The Avengers (2012)

You could actually hear the collective wistful sigh of a thousand fanboys across the globe when their favourite individual heroes- the people whom Marvel movies had been promoting in solo outings- came together to take on a villain and save the day in style. Ace-writer Joss Whedon’s tall glass of superhero cocktail is not really perfect as critics and fans say- the action comes only in fits and starts and there are only a few real standouts- Mark Ruffalo’s The Hulk in particular- who have their absolute moments in the sun in the lengthy but purely hedonistic city battle in the climax. But more than the concert in the finale, this movie soars in its individual jam sessions themselves. No other superhero movie (excepting number 1, that is) has captured the group dynamic of a team of heroes so successfully and with such smarts. Whedon’s typically witty banter flows smoothly as a crew of stellar actors- Robert Downey JR, Ruffalo and Scarlett Johannson’s Black Widow-get to trade quips even as they kick ass in truly terrific style. The balance of neatly crafted spectacle and nifty sparks within the group lend the entire film a self-assured confidence that most superhero films struggle with. 

6= Superman- The Movie (1978)

If you wish to forget ‘Man of Steel’ (a decent film that goes badly berserk in its overblown climax), you can always wind back to clock to 1978 and watch Richard Donner’s superior origins story about the all-American man in red tights created by Jerry Siegel and Joe Schuster. Classic is written all over this fantastic entertainer that both had the stardom and talent to delight the audiences. Its script was written by Mario Puzo (of ‘The Godfather’ fame), it starred Marlon Brando in a rare performance of a father figure with actual weight as the dignified Jor-El, it also had the dazzling Gene Hackman playing a vicious yet entertainingly aristocratic Lex Luthor and it had Margot Kidder playing Lois Lane like a signature role. While the plot is often predictable and even a tad deprived of the bigger stakes that recent movies vie for, the San Andreas catastrophe and the time loop in the climax are rather nifty and ingenious and result in a series of evergreen Superman moments that still rank as the greatest hits in his mostly patchy cinematic run. And above it all, Christopher Reeve was, is and will always be the quintessential Superman. Enough said.

5= Hellboy (2004)

A suggestion to guys at both DC and Marvel- if you want things to go fantastically unhinged and spectacular with your next offering, shove the director’s chair to Guillermo Del Toro. The Mexican fantasist is one of the most uncompromising storytellers in recent times but while he can make violence and creature horror a real art, he also knows how to have a grand time. 2004’s odd gem ‘Hellboy’ must be one of the most underrated superhero accomplishments of all time. Blame it on the imposing shadows of both the inconsistent DC and the relentless Marvel outings for that. It is rare to see a comic-book movie that keeps all the essential ingredients of the source intact while the director’s vision itself sparkles throughout. Set in an alternate present world, filled with a steam-punk style vibe that mirrors both Indiana Jones and David Lynch and packed with cocky humour and even spectacular action, ‘Hellboy’ also sees Ron Perlman in a performance of a lifetime- a horned freak with both the beer and biceps to qualify as a juggernaut who somehow saves the world in his own brutish, funny way. Free from the pressing needs to be serious and emotional, this is one wild party, filled with the freaky effects and fireworks that only a true visual auteur can provide.

4= Superman II (1980)

The son of Krypton might be an all-around good boy but he had his own share of edges and vulnerability and it was this superior 1980 sequel to the excellent Donner classic that explored these fearlessly even as doing a bang-up job of pleasing the fans. Controversy hounds the behind-the-scenes making of this film- Gene Hackman reluctant to return to the franchise as Lex Luthor, Donner leaving the director’s chair after finishing 40% of the film and the rest left in the hands of Richard Lester, hitherto known only for the amazing Beatles mock-documentary ‘A Hard Day’s Night’. But the end result is one of the neatest and most effortlessly entertaining superhero outings that stresses Supe’s need to be human even as it revels in his superhuman exploits. The well-paced narrative-about the three Kryptonian villains headed by Terrence Stamp’s enjoyably vicious Zod- successfully marries Donner’s sensibility with Lester’s flair for split-second broad comic timing. The snappy dialogue and the firmly blue-collar characterisation further lends a welcome sense of modesty in the film’s scale. However, the fireworks still delight- in particular Superman’s standoff against the three- and the romantic theme with Lois is a welcome addition to the genre. ‘Superman II’ is the right blend of fun and seriousness and pushes for more even while staying endlessly charming. 

3= Guardians Of The Galaxy (2014)

It was not designed to work wonders. Rather than pick out a team of well-known heroes, Marvel made its riskiest bid by taking a nearly-forgotten team of inter-galactic goofs, hiring a new director and with a cast of mostly starlets. Turns out that these goofs were transformed into genuinely rollicking characters, that James Gunn directed this swashbuckling romp with the same imaginative width and breakneck pace as one of the early Star Wars outings and that the actors all stand out for being so dipped in the cool fluid of smart-ass humour. As a part-spoof of the slightly serious ‘The Avengers’, this was a big, sprawling and ambitious comedy that never ever feels the need to be serious, relevant or resonate with us all. It merely and deliciously entertains, doling out snap-cracking humour, fantastically weird other-worlds, weirder characters and a whole lot of little-known elements out of Marvel comics. The action scenes, from dogfights to prison escapes to more, are all beautifully choreographed and sidesplittingly funny. The cast- Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldanha, Bradley Cooper and Dave Bautista along with a great cameo by Josh Brolin- is clearly having a ball with us all.

2= The Dark Knight (2008)

The first movie was too generic to qualify for art; the third one, while satisfyingly epic, tried a tad too hard to be serious. But it was the second film that first accomplished that perfect balance- of frenetic action and psychological intensity, of emotional depth and urban groove. For better or for worse, Christopher Nolan paved the way for the modern superhero film- the benefit being that films got more plot-driven and had better villains, the downer being Zack Snyder. But without all those considerations, this is one hell of a Batman movie- perhaps the definitive word on the Bob Kane-created vigilante in terms of movies and featuring a villain that is truly one for the ages. Surely, Heath Ledger’s fiery, gloriously unhinged and unforgettably iconic Joker is the madly beating heart of this suave thriller. But let’s not forget the white-knuckle suspense, the grounded, flab-free narrative and the lean and mean stunts that enthral as much as its sombre meditations on the nature of paranoia and public panic in face of senseless danger. The acting is splendid all around too- Christian Bale’s stately Batman, Michael Caine’s wise Alfred, Gary Oldman as the diligent Gordon and Aaron Eckhart as a heartbroken Two Face.

1= X-Men- First Class (2011)

It is a wonder how little do we think of superheroes as freaks of nature.

We are so used to revel in their exploits, in the punches they land, the smarts that they play, and the swagger that they carry after certain victory that we never think of them as people who are merely different than others. We always think of them as demigods, messiahs and vigilantes but not as outcasts seeking identity with us all. And it is precise this need for identity that defines so much of Matthew Vaughn’s gorgeously entertaining X-Men outing- a film which not only showcases all the quirks and whimsies that make superheroes stand out as different but celebrates them whole-heartedly in a swinging party that is generously drunk on 60s style and snap and ranks as undoubtedly the finest film about men and women in capes and tights simply because it makes them special in our eyes.

There has also been no other film, before or after it that has seamlessly made the backstory formula so intriguing and refreshing. There are the same tropes of childhood trauma and life-altering events but Vaughn brushes over them lightly, gracefully and slickly, fashioning a Cold War-era premise of nuclear showdown to amp up the stakes all the while masterfully doffing his hat at the pulpy thrillers of yore. Most intriguing is how the film pits two conflicting opinions together against the devious Sebastian Shaw (Kevin Bacon, slithery and charismatic), here embodied by the homoerotic sparks between the sleek Charles Xavier (James McAvoy) and the simmering Erik Lensherr (a spellbinding Michael Fassbender). Vaughn uses these sparks to ratchet up the suspense and spectacle, introducing fabulous new characters all armed with big and little quirks that make them stand out. 

The result is a film so wonderfully unique in its style and its identity-seeking heroes yet so cooly accessible that it gives something for everyone- fast action, an even keel of emotions, nasty villainy and loads, loads of style. In short, a perfect superhero movie.

Take a bow, Matthew. What next, James Bond?