Bollywood’s Bad Moments- 5 Big Letdowns

Okay, so 2014 was a pretty good year when it comes to movies (a list of the best of the year will be coming up in less than a week). But like almost every year of movies, it was not without its own big let downs. And certainly not without big failures.

But this time, I am even hurt more with the films that had genuine potential to be exciting, entertaining and even brilliant but ended up being damp squibs all of them. So, here is a list of the 5 films that could have been pretty good for the moviegoers and maybe, some of them have been big in raking money but in terms of filmmaking and cinema, they are letdowns.

So, 5 disappointments- (spoiler alert, you can spot some popular blockbusters in them as well). And as for the truly terrible- ‘Humshakals’, ‘Singham Returns’ and ‘Action Jackson’, well they are so bad they can’t even be called disappointments. ‘Crimes’ would be better.

5- Kick

Director- Sajid Nadiadwala

I remember pretty clearly that my first review of this pretty brainless Salman Khan-starrer, that made hundreds of crores and kept on telling us about a Friday night (hear that, Jason) was pretty positive and now, in retrospect, I blame it entirely on how I got roped along with the cacophonous chaos of the monstrous Salman Khan fans thronging the seats in the theater, whistling, hooting and clapping at the most ludicrous moments, screen idol worship at its most perverse. Blame it on the fact that the movie is aired on TV channel almost on a weekly basis but watching it all over again, I do feel that it is well a strictly average film.

There is too much of a Salman-Khan-addiction in the film (we normally blame Shahrukh and Aamir for lavishing their characters all the praise in their starrers, but while Salman might be a screen god, even gods have limitations) and it clearly soaks the film and traps it into a messy form of hero-worship that feels genuinely preposterous in today’s smarter, realistic times. And what’s worse is that the hero itself is something of an overlong joke.

Sure, fans might kill me for saying it but truth be told, Salman, playing the ultra-smart Devilal and his alter-ego Devil, a way-too-brawny thief on the run stealing a mask from Hrithik Roshan in ‘Krishh’, plays his character in an embarrassingly hammy way- while he still has cocky charm, he blurts out his pitiable lines as if they are written by Salim-Javed, he keeps on infuriatingly repeating that he wants a ‘kick’ like a delirious addict asking for one more joint and while he peps up the action scenes, which are thankfully well-done and immediate, his quieter moments are anything but quiet.

Add to that Jacqueline Fernandes as the bland and simpering heroine, who has forgotten to smile, let alone sparkle and a lazily scripted narrative that first piles up nonsense, then something of a bad whodunit and finally, a pretty bad vigilante premise. 

If you do want to watch it still, watch it for Randeep Hooda’s tough-as-nails yet highly likable cop and Nawazuddin Siddiqui’s snarling villain, making popping sounds and cackling in laughter, at the rest of the movie maybe.

4- Kill Dil

Director- Shaad Ali

Fans of ‘Saathiya’ and ‘Bunty Aur Babli’ did cheer when it was announced that Shaad Ali, after more than 7 years of limbo, returned to make a film for Yash Raj Studios, the thrillingly titled ‘Kill Dil’, taking its name from a Quentin Tarantino classic of fast action and cinematic references.

Like all Ali films, it begins promisingly as the slick and colorful trailers and promos promised us- Gulzar’s words- sounding straight out of a Cormac McCarthy paperback- echo in the background while we are introduced to a duo of gun-toting killers wandering the urban highways up north- Ranveer Singh’s Dev as a sort of bouncy Butch Cassidy and Ali Zafar’s savvy Tutu (!) as his Sundance Kid and a great, giddily thrilling title track playing while the dancing and rejoicing funnyman of the 90s- Govinda- makes a dashing comeback.

Alas. If only Ali knew what to do with such a potentially thrilling threesome acting as gangsters. What he does is far more criminal- pile on more ‘Dil’ than ‘Kill’ and yes, make an utter waste of the heroine.

Parineeti Chopra as the totally inscrutable Disha is the weak point of an otherwise fairly entertaining lineup (Singh is endlessly charming while Govinda does cartoonish evil quite deliciously) but that’s not all- Ali might go high on style and spunky music but his script goes nowhere- it’s also not even a proper script for a comic caper, let alone a masala thriller and instead of sizzling action, sexy romance and solid old world charm offers only nonsensical comedy.

3- Happy New Year

Director- Farah Khan

Yes, right, we knew it. That Farah Khan cannot really move out of making pedestrian fare, disguised as supreme entertainers packed with cruel humor directed to celebrities and flimflam and everyone else and that her take on ‘Ocean’s 11’ as well as revenge sagas of the past would be something that can be avoided.

Except for the fact that it had the lead pair of clearly the only decent film that Khan ever made.

But to what purpose? At nearly 3 hours, ‘Happy New Year’ is no different than all the Sajid Khan and Rohit Shetty’s films clubbed together for a special screening on a particularly crowded night.

The plot of revenge by heists might have something of a ‘Dhoom’ style superficial density to it which looks misleading and yes, even Shahrukh Khan’s greying yet muscular hero Charlie- with his repetitive yet addictive dialogue delivery- hints at edgy things.

But whatever seriousness there is, it is all washed away as the extremely nonsensical plot unfolds- of dance events, of diamonds, of Dubai hotels with extraordinary security measures that would shame Terry Benedict and- the worst of it all- a team made of fools rather than clever tricksters (save for, maybe, Deepika Padukone).

Wait a minute, that’s not all. I almost forgot the cruel jokes about deaf people, about epilepsy and about an incredibly talented filmmaker, who has no business being here.

      2-  Ek Villain

Director- Mohit Suri

Okay, so here comes the big villain of the year’s movies. A film that, while trying to be something of an intriguing romantic thriller, ends up being a bad, bad film, one that should be taken far away from the public and locked up in some trunk or something.

And yet it had potential. Come on, people. Shraddha Kapoor has already proved that she has a chop or two in acting, Siddharth Malhotra, the new heartthrob for the girls, did feel promisingly gritty and Riteish Deshmukh as a scheming villain made perfect sense.

Instead of a good blend of all that, we get an exercise in pointless blood-letting, candyfloss romance and unintentionally hilarious drama which does not even have a bit of suspense, genuine romance or even a happy note.

Rather, it is depressingly directed, badly, hammily acted (save for maybe Deshmukh, while Malhotra is not even acting) and as a film, it is just too painful to bear.

God save us all.

1            1-  2 States

Director- Abhishek Varman

Sorry people, who spent their precious bucks in multiplexes and came out, with ‘wonderful’ insights on inter-culture marriage.

Sorry, to the youngsters who thought the film connected so well with their own problems and issues regarding marriage.

But I have to say that ‘2 States’ does nothing of these things at all.

It only repeats what has been said- all the same stereotype jokes about North Indians and South Indians- of chicken-eating Punjabis and unfairly dusky South Indians (okay, so Abhishek Varman, Alia Bhatt’s Ananya might be the only fair South Indian girl, down there, right?)

This is regressive cinema at its worst- a slickly packaged yet supremely bland and lackluster film that tries to be like a modern-day yarn of romance and marriage in culturally diverse India but only ends up saying one thing- that pre-marital sex can lead to empty romances.

The romance is rushed and punctuated by songs rather than by scenes, the actors are wasted- the plot is virtually non-existent, in search for some melodrama so as to keep the viewers in and as for Arjun Kapoor’s disgustingly dour hero, less said the better.

As I will always say, it’s not bad. It’s not good. It’s just bland.